Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
