youre lurking in front of me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
