just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
