My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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