Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
