I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
