im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
