I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
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The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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