Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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