Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
