David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
