so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
