Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
