what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
