Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize