WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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