haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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