There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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