Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
