the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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