jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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