what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
