they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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