he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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