1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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