all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
