oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
