2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize