keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
