What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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