they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
