It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
