Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
