Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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