i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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