I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
