please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
