I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
