just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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