when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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