that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
