Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
