So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
