can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
