she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
