made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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