We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize