I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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