Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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