Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My bed smells like the plague
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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