she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower