you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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