soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
