my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
