Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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