I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
