Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i now understand why vodka
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
