I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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