im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
