meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
