ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
