did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
