Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
