We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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