I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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