P.S. I can't hear my feet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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