I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
