I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
