apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
