my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize