i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
