friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
