and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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