What did we do last night that was yellow?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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