that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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