its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
